There are moments in life when we feel defeated, stuck and almost worthless. Moments when we may even convince ourselves that our lives mean nothing. Moments when all hell breaks loose over our heads, leaving us questioning everything we have ever
believed in. Those monumental moments exist heavily in the unchartered territory of grief. No matter how many self-help books we read or self-aware we become, everytime we are struck by grief, it leaves us with a void in our hearts. One that feels almost impossible to
ever fill. Grief is one of the most gut-wrenching emotions to exist. There is nothing beautiful about it. It’s crying in front of the mirror at three in the morning, as you stare into your lifeless eyes wishing for your heart to stop hurting. It’s wanting the ground to split beneath your feet so you can fall into the depth of the earth and just stop existing. It is the one emotion that actually comes with a manual, the infamous 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
When the first wave of shockingly traumatic news hits you, denial steps in. You hear the words coming out of someone’s mouth, you read the text they send you but your brain refuses to process it as reality. As layers of realization start opening up, anger begins to build up inside you. Once you’re tired of being angry, you move to the bargaining stage. By this point, you ache to regain control in some shape or form. You might ruminate over the past and beat yourself up for doing or not doing certain things. It’s often deeply intertwined with guilt. You heavily exist in the past because you don’t have the stomach to confront your reality. After the bargaining stage, you slowly begin living in the present moment again. That’s when sadness/depression creeps in. You realize your life will never be the same again and your heart hurts a shade darker every night. The pain engulfs you so deeply that you may feel as though it will follow you to your grave. Yet after some time, you learn to coexist with the pain. That’s where acceptance comes in. Your heart still hurts but you stop resisting the pain or letting it overpower you. It doesn’t mean you’re happy about it, you just accept it as what it is. That’s where most people come to a halt; in their acceptance stage.They know that life will never be the same again and live with it. I believe there is a sixth stage, one that not many people are aware of. The stage that immerses you back into feeling fully alive again.
Creating Something New
Most people try to look for who they were before groundbreaking loss struck them. Yet you have to realize you can’t do what you used to, there’s so much that has changed. Which is why the sixth stage inspires you to create something new; bloom through what
broke you. Human beings love creating things, it excites them. When we step into that core of who we are and find a way to create a shift in our lives, it changes everything. At the end of the day, there are two worlds we all need to master – the internal and external. The external world is something you can influence but not control. The internal world, your mind, body, emotions, sense of connection, that’s in your control. We all want to feel like there is a meaning behind our pain yet unless we consciously look for it, we stay oblivious to its existence. When our hearts hang heavier than the moon, we don’t want to be told that there can possibly be a grander reason for it all. I felt the same way when I was 13 years old and my 7 year old sister passed away. I thought there was no reality where the pain of her loss held a greater meaning in my life. A decade later I’ve realized that her death and every loss I encountered thereafter was meant to shape me into the person I am now. No problem is forever, you might feel like your current challenge is your biggest one but it never is. As long as you remember that you have the power to create your future, there is no mountain too high for you. You were created for a purpose, perhaps you know that purpose but you momentarily forgot it. Maybe you never really searched for it. Either way, your purpose is your North Star. You owe it to yourself to rise above any challenges life has thrown your way, hand pick the learnings and move in the direction of what your soul desires.