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The writer is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist.
Irfan Mujeeb Asks:
How to combat the crisis of a communication gap between parents and adolescents?
All meaningful relationships, regardless of their nature, require understanding. This is where the importance of communication becomes clear. The exchange of words and gestures is vital because it helps us navigate our feelings and expectations. The relationship between parents and adolescents is no exception. Now, teenagers often do not give the impression that they would like to have a chat, especially with the adults in their lives. But do not fall into that trap. This is a transitory state, and these children are in the process of becoming adults. This means that there is so much in the world that seems new to them. From the change in their bodies to the introduction of complex themes in their emotional lives, this is a time when they require assistance.
But each generation has its own rules and temperament. We often hear of the term ‘generation gap’. The absence of communication is often attributed to this phenomenon. It may very well be a cultural issue, but time is an interesting catalyst. It can rob us of abilities that we feel we have mastered. In fact, it happens so steadily that it takes a great amount of self-awareness to realize and self-correct.
Presently, with the advent of technology, this communication barrier between parents and adolescents is becoming quite exaggerated. Let’s try to understand some of the reasons behind it.
First, as already mentioned, adolescent years are a precursor of identity development. Now in this phase, children often come up against change and are overwhelmed by it. One of the ways that they react to it is by developing oppositional tendencies towards authority figures, especially parents. Naturally, this change in their behavior is immediately alarming for the adults. Adolescents do not engage with their surroundings the way they used to as kids. In turn, this alarms the parents as well. In some cases, they cannot get through to their children. This is a glaring barrier because they keep trying to reach out to the kid that they are familiar with, but that child is now going through changes and evolving as a human being. The same communication rules no longer apply. This problem is further exacerbated when the parents think the child is being disrespectful. Labels are thrown around, and a chasm between the two continues to widen each time a communication attempt goes awry. Now, it is important that parents develop the skills to communicate with their adolescents as they grow. Not every parent is as invested or as resourceful. Additionally, some require assistance, which is not readily available but has to be sought out. Sometimes when an adolescent speaks, the adult immediately advises by what they knew to be true in the past. Contemporary problems are not factored in, which is why the youth feels more misunderstood.
Lastly, adults often do not have the headspace to consistently engage with a teenager in these fast times. This further widens their communication gap. In order to address this, it is crucial that concerted and mature efforts by adults should be carried out. Furthermore, all of it has to be done patiently and with respect. If an adolescent is feeling understood, they will communicate. However, adults must create that safe space.
