When you are raising your child, there are so many things to consider. You of course wish to give them the best of everything in every way possible. And that means trying to shield them from any negative experiences and negative emotions. However, that is not always possible. They will be going through and witnessing things from which they cannot shield themselves. Among them is grief. It’s important to keep in mind that every child’s experience with grief is unique, and what works for one child may not work for another. It’s important to approach each child with empathy and understanding and to be willing to adapt and adjust your approach as needed. Talking to children about grief can be difficult, but it’s an important aspect of helping them process their emotions and heal. As humans, we grieve the loss of anything that feels important to us. For children, this could be anything from losing a loved one to losing a favorite sweater at school or the loss of their favorite Marvel character. Even something as simple and basic as this can serve as a major way for them to know how to overcome and take care of such complicated conversations. When a loved one dies, children feel and show their grief in different ways. How kids cope with the loss depends on things like their age, how close they felt to the person who died, and the support they receive. A child’s reaction to the death of a loved one will vary depending on their age and previous life experiences. All children are different, and the below examples of age-related responses can be applied to children of different ages and intellectual abilities. Small children under the age of 5 years often do not understand that death is permanent and may ask if the person who has died is coming back. They may exhibit other behaviors such as clinging to their care giver or show some regressive behaviors like wetting the bed. These behaviors are very common and will usually stop after a certain amount of time has passed. The most important thing is not to hide the truth and not to delay the truth. It is natural to want to protect your child, but it is best to be honest. Telling your child what happened will also increase their trust in you and help them to better cope with the loss of their loved one. Try to find a safe and quiet place to speak to your children and think through what you are going to say.
Here are some tips to help you speak to children about losing a loved one:
CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE: Select a time and place that is calm and quiet, where you can have an open and honest conversation without interruptions.
USE SIMPLE AND AGE-APPROPRIATE LANGUAGE:
Use words that are easy for the child to understand and relate to their own experiences. Avoid using euphemisms, technical terms, or abstract concepts that may confuse or frighten them.
BE HONEST:
Be honest with the child about what has happened, and what they can expect in the future. However, it’s also important to avoid overwhelming them with too much information at once, and to answer their questions truthfully and at their level of understanding.
ENCOURAGE EXPRESSION:
Encourage the child to express their feelings, emotions and questions, and provide a safe and supportive environment for them to do so. Let them know it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or confused.
Validate their emotions: Validate the child’s emotions by acknowledging their feelings and experiences, and helping them to understand that it’s normal to feel the way they do.
OFFER COMFORT AND REASSURANCE:
Offer comfort and reassurance to the child by providing physical affection, like hugs and holding hands, and by being there for them whenever they need you.
GIVE THEM CONTROL: Give the child a sense of control by letting them make choices and decisions, such as choosing what they want to do or what they want to remember about the person who has passed away.
BE PATIENT:
Be patient with the child and understand that grieving is a process that takes time, and everyone grieves differently.
SEEK SUPPORT:
If you or the child is struggling to cope with grief, seek the support of family and friends, or consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
